Friday, May 11, 2007

Team-O Supremo: Licensed to Ill

Team-O Supremo debriefs after defeating The Beastie Boys Robot and saving Hacknor City, thanks to their brilliant leader and poster of this team-authored post, Mr. Bennet....

I walk into the debriefing chambers and stare hard at my teammates. Synth-Lin patching up her arm. Kon-El washing motor oil off his face. Henchy trying on his new Henchman suit. Gyrobo doing cartwheels in a bathtub.

"Ahem!" I clear my throat loudly. Everyone takes their seats and prepare to be debriefed "Team-O Supremo....more like Team-O Retardo!"

"Hey!" responds Lin taking offense. "They prefer to be called mentally challenged."

"We won, didn't we?" complains Henchman.

"Yes," I reply. "We won. But we were sloppy! After forming into our Voltron, I asked you all to look at your displays for the flowchart I had prepared for the battle. But half-way through my presentation, The Beastie Boys sent us flying through skyscrapers with a Robot Guitar! You know what that tells me?"

"We lulled them into a false sense of security?" asks Kon

"We were getting our butts handed to us?" Grumps Henchy

"No! It tells me that not all of you were paying attention to the flowchart! And then Henchman takes off running like a mad man at the Beastie Boys, with no attack planned!"

"I'm just legs!" Henchman interjects.

"Whats a flowchart?" asks Lin

"That little incident resulted in losing our left arm, also known as Kon-El. While he was running around, dealing with remnants of the hump bot and trying not to be squished, we had to resort to using only right-arm attacks. And Gyrobo was asleep!"

"Hey Let's see how well ya concentrate with with a hump bot after your tail!" snaps the super clone. "And I'm guessin' Gyrobo Saw this from his time machine and went to sleep early in preparation of this snore fest!"

He was right. Asleep at his desk was Gyrobo. Odd for a robot, there was a pool of drool on the desk. I continued with my debrief.

"Finally he reattached and we somehow managed to win the battle. Luckily, I've got mission photographs so we can go over what exactly happened, analyze our weaknesses and strengths."

"First thing's first. Henchman, were you drinking??"

"There is nothing wrong with having a Duff." gripes the yellow clad one.

"We didn't remember our motivational poster, did we?" I ask rhetorically. Before Henchman could reply, I continue, "Look at it. Remember it! Be one Tetris Block. Gyrobo doesn't just draw these things for no reason whatsoever!"

"It confuses me," Kon says.

"And what's going on here? Shouldn't we be engaging in battle? Can anyone explain this?"

"My suit morphed into the giant robot's spleen, with the power to vent." says Gyrobo his words making bubbles in the drool. "I was about to vent the mustard gas. But Lin was all embarrassed by venting so we didn't."

"Yeah, its embarrassing for a girl to vent." says Lin in support of her fellow machine.

"Well, that makes sense," I say, going to the next slide, "Why a tennis racket? Whose idea was that?"

"Tennis the sport of kings and queens." Gyrobo uttered from his sleep. "You should have seen Freddie Mercury's fore-hand what a stoke player. Him and Elton John were great doubles partners."

"At least we won. But that old man your grandpa? And what's Mr. Muggles doing here?"

"Well uh....yes. Ugh!" Sighs Kon. "Why does he have always have to show up, snappin' pictures? Well it could have been worse it could have been ma Ken.... I mean grandma. She'd have been spitting in a handkerchief and wiping dirt off our faces. As for Mr. Muggles? Uh, every team needs a cute fuzzy mascot?"

I was about to continue when Lin put her hand up.

"Ooo ooo Mr Kottah." she pleads.

"You have a question Lin?" I ask her. I was hoping for her to make some kind of sense. Of course sometimes hope isn't enough.

"If this is supposed to be Top Gun debriefing and I'm Goose and Henchy is Maverick...."

"...That makes you the lady instructor. Doesn't it?" Then she begins humming Take my Breath away.

"I don't care for your juxtaposition!" I say, "We must debrief! There is no time for nonsense." On a side note, I will say that I am comfortable with my masculinity. But you know....Gyrobo was the one with the Freddie Mercury pointin' that out.

"Does that make me Iceman then?" asks Kon.

"Well, it's better than being a test tube baby." replies Henchy.

"For a guy dressed in yellow you sure talk tough." snaps back Kon.

"SILENCE!" I shout. "Its squabbling like this that caused the trainwreck that was the last challenge. We are supposed to be Gladiators here and we almost got beat by three white middle aged rappers. What does that tell you?"

Henchy yells at Kon-El, "Please, I'll beat you like you owe me money."

"Wanna bet?" replies Kon raising his fists.

Mr. Bennet throws his arms up, "Gah!"

After the fight, Henchman and Mr. Bennet head back to the barracks....


Gyrobo said...

That "drool" is a symbiont that provides me with boosted night vision and in turn receives the protection from predators that only my jaw can offer.

Nathan Petrelli said...

You know that Top Gun photo debrief looked oddly familiar. Like perhaps I had been there before...hummmm

Oh. Is this a new relationship. Bennet and Hench---Bench

Nathan Petrelli said...

Sorry about that last comment. I just got through reading my stalkers last post, and I'm a little tired.

Henchman432 said...

All I care about is we got the job done.

Synth-Lin said...

Venting is very embarrassing. Its not ladylike.

And I am not a machine Mr Bennet I am a synthoid.

So does this make Henchy and Mr Bennet Lesbians?

Love you all.


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Was that old guy urging you to spay or Neuter Mr. Muggles?

Mr. Bennet said...

Oh, no! Save Mr. Muggles!

Professor Xavier said...

Well see that's part of your problem right there - Bennet as leader. I see him more as a mid-level management type of guy. I mean come on, fighting a battle with flow charts? You don't send an accountant to do a warriors job. Whose with me?

Mr. Bennet said...

Well, let's hear it. Who's* with the Professor (not of English, I take it)?