We have to wear these power suits and pilot Lions. Why lions? Why can't they be butterflies or puppies? Oh well at least my Lion's pink and without Oneida around anymore there'll be no more fights over who gets the only pink thing. You should have seen her fight me over the pink terry towling robe. She was a wild cat. Henchy and Kon just sat there watching us, smiles on their faces not even attempting to stop us. When we realised that fighting over the robe was useless and worked out a rotation system, Kon boo-ed us. Oneida said it something to do with lesbians. I didn't care what Greek island she spent her holidays on. I just know I've got the pink Lion AND the pink Robe. Eat that miss prissy.
So Jon said each lion had a SPECIAL power. I decide to test the power out before I go into battle. It was a good idea. My lions power, MUSK. Yes thats right my Lion emits pheromones. No guns, no lasers, not even an atomic weapon of choice Christopher Walken. I love that video clip, Spike Jonze is a genius.
We get to Hacknor city and the monsters are there. Five monsters and one robot. They're basicly making complete asses of themselves, crashing into buildings and generally rampaging around. We split up as planned. But there's something funny happening to me. Well sort of. I feel pretty. I always feel pretty but this is more like perky and cute, like a Barbie clone. I ignore it and get down to fighting the monster I've been left with.
"Grrrraaaaagggglle!" roars the three headed monster.
He looks a bit top heavy so I decide to rush him ummm I think its a him. My Pretty in Pink lion advances quickly at the monster. My plan is to slide into the monsters pudgy legs putting it on its back. I wrench the controls and the Pink Lion goes into the slide. The monster just flaps its wings to get airborne and my Lion crashes into the building behind.
I check the systems. My lion has sprained its ankle.
"Oh dear I can't continue..." I begin. Did I say that. There's something screwy here going on. Something is affecting me. I watch as the monster turns on my lame Lion.
"Help me. I'm too cute to die." I scream. What! Its not in my programming to act this way. If I don't do something quick this three headed freak is going to kill me.
In desperation I activate the SPECIAL power. Pheromones are sprayed on the monster. Well not all the monster just one of the heads. The middle head to be precise. But the monster doesn't stop it keeps coming. I brace myself for the assault. But it doesn't come.
I open the hatch to see whats happened.
There perched on one of the buildings is the monster. The middle head is smiling. The other two heads are trying to attract the middle heads attention, as well as warn the other head off. I watch as the left and right heads compete for the affection of the middle head.
"Awww! Isn't that cute its in love." comes out of my mouth. Thats it, I do a systems check. The suit is doing this to me. Its got a "Cute Chick" setting. I need the suit to activate the Pink Lion so I can't take it off. I hack the suit and the lion so we both stop acting like defenseless Barbie dolls.
I felt better. Then it got very hot. I looked up to see a giant fire ball. The left and right heads were spitting flame at each other. Caught in the middle was the middle head.
"Arrrrrrrrgghhhlll" it wailed under the assault of the other heads. It was actually kinda sad. Of course like all men fighting over a woman, the other heads realised too late that they had killed the object of their affection. I think Freud would have been interested in this. But where would he get a couch big enough to fit the now two headed monster. The two heads turned to each other.
"Graaaaaaagghled" they howled. And then it flew up and into the air. Higher and higher and higher.
Then .... BOOOM! it exploded.
I wiped a tear from my eye.
Then the communicator crackled into life.
"Lin you done?" It was Mr Bennet.
"We need you so we can bring down the Beastie Boys and their robot of doom." Mr Bennet was ordering ME around. Oh well.
"I'm finished." I replied.