My Fellow Gladiators-The Monster was kicking our #@$.

Well here I am again. It seems like just a few days ago I was finishing up the second challenge. When I got back to campaign headquarters, I had a message from my campaign manager, Gloria. She gave me a long lecture on being respectful to (Sigh) Xavier. Great! She has the hot pants for him and I have to make nice. When she finished that lecture she went straight into another one. I have to keep my “Man Ho” ways out of the game, or at least tone it down a notch. I sent her a message that I would be on my best behavior, but then guess what. --- The first thing out of Hot Dark Jedi’s mouth is, “Spank me.” How can I resist a direct invitation like that? She tried to put on a show about 'those were the rules,' but I could see by the look on her face, she wants me…A little…The next thing I know, my buxom Svetlana shouts out, “Spank me!” —It was like heaven. I wasn’t even holding a Twinkie when she said it. Of course, it didn’t take long for Wet Noodle to tell me to stop.

Well that was fine by me; I had to keep my promise to Gloria after all. A few moments after Dark Jedi slipped into her suit, I tried doing the same. I yelled out, “Spank me!” Oddly, I had no takers. I wonder why? The first layer of the suit moved to fit my body--in ways I don’t think God intended. There just wasn’t enough room to adjust…anything. The second layer took on a form similar to Dark Jedi’s. Once the transformation was complete, a computerized interface clicked into place. A set of instructions popped up in front of me. I was so relieved. To be honest, I haven’t wanted to say anything, but I really don’t know half of what is happening around me. In fact, before this competition, I had never seen someone from another planet before. Fortunately, in every competition so far, instructions or some type of help has presented itself to me just as I needed it.

It’s like … It’s like … It’s like there is this great force or something moving through the galaxy and it has been converging at certain points just to help me out.—I guess that sounded stupid. Pretend I didn’t say it. Let me get back to the story at hand. The suit was giving me instructions. Apparently, all I have to do is click my wrist together to make my weapon appear. It's called a Klingon Batleth Sword. Whoa… I don’t know what those words mean, but that’s cool. It kind of looked like this, but big enough to cut a building in half. I gave it a few practice swings and before long, we were all on our way.

Everything went down pretty much the way Godfrey said. Except... Godfrey was kind of whiny, Xavier was kind of controlling, Dark Jedi was kind of hot, in a take charge sort of way, Svetlana was eating a Twinkie, and I was trying to take charge for the good of the planet. In spite of all the troubles we were all experiencing, we did manage to pull things together when the battle was running high. It seemed we were all holding our own against our respective foes. I managed to maneuver the sword in between me and the walking garbage scow who was trying to bite off one of my thrusters. I skillfully cut across his breast plate. He staggered away from me and met up with his friends. I yelled into my receiver that I thought we had done it. All of the robot thingies were running away. Godfrey, yelled back, “They aren’t running away, they are combining into one huge Monster.”


All of which brings us to the biggest Beep, Beep, Beep I have ever seen. I admit to feeling a little bit of panic at this point. I said maybe we should do the same, but no one was listening to me. I wasn’t sure if my com device was still on, so I hit a few buttons, including the one that said, “DO NOT press this button unless you have been given the order to combine with the entire unit.” ………Uh Oh…….

I immediately tried to undo the damage before anyone could notice, but I was too late. I could hear Svetlana's voice over the com device as she asked, “What are you doing Nathan? You look like a dog in heat trying to dry hump that building.”

“I look like what?”…. Great, I’ll never be able to convince anyone I did it by mistake.

Xavier called out, “If you come near me, I swear I’ll kill you before that monster gets a chance.”

I could practically hear Dark Jedi’s eyes rolling, and Godfrey, well he was just standing there whining about how we were all going to die.

Then to my surprise, the beautiful Svetlana said to everyone, “Shut up. We need to regroup…and quickly.”

I love it when she’s forceful. Well, what happened next…I think I should let Svetlana tell you because I don’t know what some of those words meant.