Friday, May 25, 2007

I Flung Stuff. They Flung Stuff

My Fellow Gladiators:

Greetings from the Ghost of Congressman Nathan Petrelli. I trust everyone is doing well. I’m slightly dead myself, and I will be dividing my time in between the games and purgatory. I am sure that death will not hinder my ability to complete the latest challenge. Of course, I don’t fully understand what a monkeyboy is, but I’m sure it’s not that big of a deal. I tried to go to Jon’s blog for more into; but my hand kept passing through the mouse. In fact, if it weren’t for my new friend Hana Gitelman, I wouldn’t have been able to post this blog.

Anyway, let's move on to the problem at hand. Since Jon didn’t take my advice to nuke them from orbit, I decided I would take a more direct approach. Since I couldn’t make my ghostly form pilot the dropship I had to hitch a ride with these lame guys.

They should be wearing a sign that says, “Oh Yeah…I’m never getting laid.”

When we arrived on the island, my traveling companions took one look at the situation and promptly abandoned me. Fortunately, my leadership skills didn’t die in the same explosion I did, and I was able to quickly find the Monkeyboy Embassy. Before heading to the transporter room, I decided to stop in and speak with the Ambassador to the Monkeys. As a Congressman, I feel it is only prudent to make contacts when possible.

When I first entered the Ambassador’s office, I thought I saw an actual monkey; but it turned out to be a trick of my eyes because my double take revealed the ambassador standing behind his desk. I could tell he was a real renaissance man from his devotion to the opera. He even gave me a small performance.

Click here for Opera Man

After talking with him for just a few minutes, I realized we were on the same wavelength. We agreed to keep in touch. As he walked me to the door, he pressed a banana into my hand. What a friendly man!! Five minutes later, I grew to appreciate his present even more. (This is what we political writers like to call foreshadowing.) Anyway, I stuck the banana in my pocket and moved on to the transporter room. Outside the door, I noticed two monkeyboys playing. As I approached, one of them stopped and said, “Who you there? You look like my brudder.”

I tried to explain that I have only one brother, but they cut me off by saying, “You have purddy lips.” Well the only thing I could say to that was: WTF? When they started to edge toward me, I did the only thing a savvy Congressman from New York could do. I pulled my banana out of my pants. Of course, it took about five tries before my ghostly hands could grasp it; but it all worked out in the end. The monkeyboys’ had their eyes glued to my banana, so I flung it at the one closest to me. The banana shot out of my hand wacked monkeyboy one on the head and boomeranged back to me. I caught it with no problem, (I’m really athletic.) and I flung it again at monkeyboy two. Just as the banana left my hand; he said, “You even fling bananas like my brudder.” It was the last thing he said before losing consciousness.

After stepping over the bodies, I entered into the transporter area. There were a few barrels blocking the transporter machine, but I thought I saw Dark Jedi making out with one of the monkeyboys?? When I began to step around the barrels for a closer look, I ran directly into another monkeyboy. I don’t know who was more scared him or me… He mumbled something about being home alone. I just screamed.

He was so frightened by my screams he threw some sort of crap at me and then fainted. With him out of my way, I went to finish my mission. Fortunately, Dark Jedi K. and already taken care of it. That certainly explains why she was making out with a monkeyboy. Talk about taking one for the team, but you just gotta' love a girl with initiative.


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

If it makes you feel better, I believe that you're still alive.

I believe that Doug Hennig is still alive, too.

Gyrobo said...

I think I voted for you in the midterms.

Were you the write-in candidate?

Henchman432 said...

Don't go into the light Carile nn...Uhm,wait I got that wrong. Whatever.

Dark Jedi Kriss said...

EWWWW! I weas not makingo ut with monkeyboy! He was loving my leg...


Ghost of Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

Thanks Jon: If i'm still alive, I will have to figure out where my body is so I can get my ghostly soul shoved back into it. I hope I don't have to go back in through the nether regions. So...Who is Doug Hennig?

Gyrobo: Thanks for voting for me. I'm sure that it will eventually come to light that many people who did not vote for me, somehow did vote for me.

Hench: ?? Carol Anne

Dark Jedi: common mistake. All I saw was grinding. I'm not judging...Sometimes you can't help who you love.

Padawan Erifia said...

You pulled your banana from your pants... Mr. Petrelli, I do declare that is the most obscene thing I have every seen in my life.

I liked your post *blush*.

Ghost of Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

Why thank you Padawan Erifa, I would stroke your beautiful cheek if I were corporal.

Professor Xavier said...

I wouldn't give up all hope about the life thing. My motto is, unless we see the dead body, they ain't dead. And even then you can't be too sure.

Ghost of Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

Professor: You might be right. It does seem to be the unspoken law of the serial universe to not be dead when reason says one should be exactly that...

I think I will try to search for my body and escape limbo. Thanks for the suggestion.