Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Pokemybootie kicks your ass!

I could feel the raw terror in the minds of the hapless citizens of Hacknor City. The giant evil robot was in the process of knocking down another building. I started to reach out to comfort them when a sudden banging on the back of my exo-skeleton startled me. I quickly turned around.

“Petrelli! Would you stop that?!” I yelled.

“Sorry, I can’t find the off switch on this thing’s humper.”

“I’m sure I can help you with that!” I told him as I raised my armor’s right arm and primed the concussion missiles.

“Guys! We must stop Puss n’ Boots!” Svetlana interrupted.

“Who?” Kriss asked.

“That giant evil robot thingy!” she answered.

“Why do you call him Puss n’ Boots?” Godfrey asked.

“Because he seems less scary that way,” Svetlana explained.

We all looked at each other in silence a moment through the dura-plastic shields. Then Kriss said, “We have to get back there and stop that robot. If we surround it, enough of us may survive to do some damage to it.”

As we nodded our solemn agreement, Petrelli suddenly shouted out, “Hey! I think I found the off switch.”

He pressed a button on his control panel and suddenly a flashing red light filled my compartment. A warning siren droned through the earpieces. Of its own, my armor started to move towards Petrelli’s and the limbs started to fold in on themselves. Deafening clangs and grinding metal screeches filled the air. Within moments, our exo-skeletons had interlocked with each other’s. The view screen showed that our armors had joined together to form a giant metal warrior.

For some reason, I was a left leg. “Well this is embarrassing,” I thought to myself. Dark Jedi Kriss was the head and torso. Our giant combined machine started to walk towards the center of the destruction of the city.

“Hey! Who’s running this crazy thing?!” Petrelli shouted.

“My controls seem to be the master,” Kriss said.

“So what are we suppose to do?” he demanded.

“Enjoy the ride,” Godfrey answered.

Within moments we were face to face with Puss n’ Boots. He whirled upon us, a giant laser cannon in his hand. Kriss popped open our unified machine’s chest plate and twin missile launchers slid out. She fired straight into the thing’s heart. A gigantic fireball erupted in his torso and he was knocked back. But he wasn’t down.

The thing shot back, blasting us in the hip. Our other leg was knocked loose. I heard Petrelli cry out as his armor, the other leg, crashed to the ground. We were now hopping up and down on one leg. That leg was me.

Kriss raised both her arms, Svetlana and Godfrey. They were each able to activate pulse beams on the exterior of their respective suits but because of our one-legged imbalance, their shots were going wild. The evil robot turned on us, his laser cannon aimed straight for Kriss.

Just as he was about to fire, Petrelli’s Batleth sword swooped down and sliced clean through the cannon. He had managed to reactivate the controls of his armor and was on the attack! The building charge in the robot’s now shattered cannon was suddenly released in a blinding explosion that engulfed the whole street. We were knocked back by the force and crashed into the building behind us.

Crawling from the wreckage of our suits and surveying the carnage, we saw the giant evil robot lying smashed on the ground, crackles of electricity flickering over its motionless body. To my surprising relief, Petrelli crawled from his crumpled armor too.

"We did it!" Svetlana cried.

Our whole team burst out in cheers. Everyone jumped up and down for joy. Well, everyone but me that is. I just kind of leaned back against the smoldering carcass of my armor. But I did it in a joyful way.


Dark Jedi Kriss said...

We totally rock!

Godfrey Zebulon said...

Got that right.. i think the odds are going to go up in your favor DJK.. Pho just commed me.. they have a betting pool going on in the temple.. and the sad part is.. we can't bet! Want to know more, call Anakin.

Nathan Petrelli said...

"To my surprising relief, Petrelli crawled from his crumpled armor too."

I knew you cared. The polls say that 48% of the population secretly likes me while at the same time pretending they hate me.

We survived...YAY

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Yeah, but anyone can use statistics to prove a point. 135 of the people know that.

Anonymous said...

Awww, we killed Puss in Boots. He was my only friend. (;_;) We went through so much together...

Erifia Apoc said...

Congrats on finishing the challenge.

Good Post, Prof.

Nathan Petrelli said...

Hi Jon. If that is 135 people out of a billion, statistically speaking---nobody knows jack, and I'm on my way to the White House...I mean to congress.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

That was supposed to be 13%, Nathan. I think 87% of the people realize that.

Mr. Bennet said...

Whaaa??? You guys beat your enemy? I thought you were just a bunch of losers. Now I know you're a bunch of okay-competitors and a bald professor.

Nathan Petrelli said...

d#%& confounded by the obvious logic again.

Simon said...

Typical. You fumble around with the controls of your machines for a bit until you manage to blow up enough things to declare victory. I don't think that's terribly heroic. I might suggest actually reading the instruction manuals next time. Not that there will be a next time for your team of also-rans.