Friday, May 11, 2007

Mission Three

Oh, no!

"Mr. Bennet," Synth-Lin called out, "You're the team leader, you can't be hiding."

"What? Why am I the leader?"

"You've got manager experience. And all the rest of the archetypes are taken."

"Do I have to be an archetype?"

"Yes, haven't you ever seen Power Rangers?"

She had a point. There was no cuttin' and runnin' here. The team was looking to me to lead them to victory, I couldn't let them down. I'd have to stand tall, be brave and fight off these monster-like monsters!

"Quick, put this on!" She yelled and threw me a bag. I pulled out my uniform and changed in a flash.

I was ready to take on anything.

"Cool gun."

"You are absolutely pathetic. Even President Bush is a better leader than you."

What?? Who could it be? I turned around to see my opponent. It seemed each of us had a monster-like monster to fight. And mine was the most vicious of all.

"You swim worse than an anvil."

Voltron Simon!

"You and your god-awful glasses will be destroyed!" He chirped.

"I am rubber you are glue!" I said. I fired my gun at him, but it was no use. Only my robotic suit would even the odds. "Suit!" I called. The ground shook, somewhere in the Nevada desert, a cave opened and my robotic suit came running out. A mere seven and a half minutes later, it arrived at Hacknor City!

"Does this suit me?"

"Oh, please, you have to be joking," Voltron Simon said, "Surely you don't think that will work against me?" He fired two missiles from his torso.

The missiles were flying right at me. I had to act quick. Luckily, a large pen and a pencil were resting inside my suit's shirt pocket. I hurled the writing utensils at the missiles and they prematurely exploded. "Looks like you didn't calculate your trajectory correctly. Perhaps you can borrow this!"

I pulled a Voltronish calculator out and hurled it at Voltron Simon. It spun quickly as it flew through the air. The corner hit Voltron Simon's right kneecap. "Ha! You throw like a constipated obese woman!"

"Oh, yeah?" Thinking quickly, I pulled out a sticky note with a dentist appointment reminder for March 12th. "Eat adhesive notation!" I threw the Post-It at him.

"Your competence is as flat as that worthless object you call a weapon!" He lifted his Voltron arms up and Clay Aiken arose from the ground.

Aiken leaped into the air and tore the sticky note in half. As he gracefully landed, I quickly pulled a black binder clip and attached it to his girlish head. The pressure was too much, and his head splattered.

"You remind me of a popcorn kernel I once got wedged between two molars. Except it had class."

I slung several thumbtacks at him. But he lifted his arms up again and Ruben Studdard rose up to block them. Not one managed to escape his gravitation pull.

"You're running out of Idols, Simon." I said.

"You're running out of hair."

This could go on forever. I had to bring out the big guns. Yes, none other than the Protractor of Doom! I pulled the angle-measuring tool from my pocket and flung it at the evil-doer.

"How obtuse," he said. Voltron Simon jumped out of the way, just as I had planned. The protractor ricocheted off a plexiglass window and came back on him from behind. It severed his head. The Voltron body sunk into the ocean. The head, however, shot off into space. Simon Cowell had escaped!

"Curse you, Bennet!

"Team-O Supremo, es la tiempo para combino!" I yelled, sounding like a Gringo.

Henchy, "Roger that!"

Kon-El, "Yay!"

Gyrobo, "Rice Krispies!"

Where was Synth-Lin? Did she not hear the call? "Lin! Are you there? Have you vanquished your foe yet?"

"I'm finished!"

"Then let's do this!" my robotic suit transformed into a Voltron head and leaped up into the air. I expect everyone else's did something similar.

I called out, "Head!"

Synth, "Torso!"

Henchman, "Legs!"

Kon-El, "Left Arm!"

Gyrobo, "The other one!"

"By these parts combined, I am Capitan Voltron!"

Captain Voltron, he's our hero.
Gonna kick The Beastie Boys in their A-hole.


Mr. Bennet said...

Wow! Good job, Mr. B!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Yeah! Nice comment as well, Jon!

Henchman432 said...

Let's do this.

Nathan Petrelli said...

lol...hee, hee, hee lol...

Blast you Bennet!!! You are already a better Father than me...

I... Must... Not...
Let You...Win...This...Contest...

That was a Captin Kirk imitation. Did you get it? Huh, Huh. Did you get it?

Anonymous said...

Not Voltron Simon. Didn't Sylar kill him for killing his mother or something? I seem to remember him doing that after he got voted off American Idol.

You are so fired.

~ Lana

Simon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Simon said...

Foil my plans will you? That just cost you the game, my follicly challenged friend. And don't let the shuttle door hit you on the bum on your way out.

And you should be gratefully I showed some restraint and deleted my previous comment. You'd probably be curled up on the floor of your bathroom crying your eyes out for a week.

Kon-El said...

Woo Hoo!

Sylar said...

my arch nemesis voltron simon! kick his tooshie 4 me mr glasses!

Erifia Apoc said...


Simon still thinks he is judging this competition... We'll see who is going down... Great post Bennet.