Thursday, May 17, 2007

Chutes and Dragons.

Ladies and Gents,

I was still a little sleepy after the last challenge. So I let Jon yammer on about the next one.

Jon: Welcome contestants, Wa wa ,Wa Wa.I give you Private Hudson.

Huh? I think to myself.

Hudson: Atyennnnn-Hyut! Listen up, it’s time to get frosty. I am your senior drill instructor Private Hudson and you will listen to me good. Your daddies are not here and your mommies are not here for you, for this challenge I will be your daddy and your mommy.

All I hear is he likes to play dress up as the Mommy and Daddy.

Hudson: Ah, OK, here’s the challenge. Through that gate is Blah blah blah obstacle course ever devised by the Colonial Marine Training and Doctrine Command, the CoMTrDoC. There are many paths to take, Meow meow meow meow, I want chicken, I want liver... dangerous than the last! (Well, not really, but that sounds cool when I say it, doesn’t it?). There are trenches, flame throwers, swinging blades, raging rivers, deadly quicksand, Malaysian tiger traps, Scandinavian yak traps, and a giant slide of green slime. Meow mix, please deliver. In fact, very few Colonial Marines who go through that come out in one piece!

Hey look, Cows. I think.

Hudson: Because it’s training! This is how you become a motivated, dedicated, high speed low drag, super frosty, gung ho deadly killer part of the greatest team that this galaxy has ever laid its eyes on.

Professor X: The X-Men?

Henchman: Advanced Idea Mechanics?

Gyrobo: The Traveling Wilburys?

Some other stuff was spewing out Hudson mouth, but by time time I was lost. I start a slow walk to the course.

"O' no you don't. You get back here maggot." Hudson yells.

What, the imbecile did not call me a maggot. I wake up out of my daydream and make a bee line for Hudson's throat. I am going to tear the nitwit a new cornhole.

Jon gives me a look.

Fine.

*Adds to list*

1. Monkeyboy Island
2. Hudson

I am going to busy after this game.



"You're not so cool now, huh? I got a different course for you." He spits out.

I ask why.

"Because, I am still paying off my credit card bill." He cries and then he shows me his "map".



I just give him a blank look. I am, so going to get that buffoon after this. I swear.



I start off at the Razor wire maze. I send a Dark beast through, It doesn't help. It gets stuck.

Ow, I can't move to fast or I'll get ripped to shreds. I pace slowly and carefully, I come out with a few nicks and cuts. My uniform is trashed. While leaning against a wall, I find a hidden room with a set of clothes. I need to pour on the speed to make up for lost time.



Hurtling past the Hungry, hungry doors of the South beach diet, was a breeze. I stop at the next obstalce. The room is pitch black, I summon another Dark beast. It takes a few steps, then crashes to the floor.



I wall run to safety on the other side. Man, Hudson really made this one a toughie. NOT.

I glide into the next stage. I pause for a moment and hear a huge roar. That is never good.

Never.

I catch a deep breath and give it a go. It can't be that bad. It's Hudson, he is a GLB, a tool.



Dragon. How the heck does Hudson get a Dragon?

"That's all I could get from my rewards program. You have fun maggot." Hudson infoms me through a speaker at the end of the hall.

He is so dead.

The Dragon lunges at me. I dodge to the left and see a locked door. That mean a way out. I slam at the door with full force.

Bam.

Ow. To my surprise, it doesn't budge.

"It's magick Human. Only the key on my horn will let you out." The Dragon speaks.

"Ok, before I die. Can I ask you to do something for me, Mr.Dragon.? I plead.

"Sure, why not frail thing." It reponds.

I hold out my right hand, fingers stretched out. "Pick two."

The Dragon picks my index and middle fingers.

I poke it in it's left eye, snatch the key and make a break for the door. I shut the door fast behind me.

I step forward in the dark and..



I end up in a pool of rubber balls.

Dental for all.

Dr.Polaris rules.

12 comments:

Nathan Petrelli said...

Fighting a dragon and living to tell about it, gives you bragging rights.

Private Hudson said...

Uh, what's a GLB?

Henchman432 said...

Ask Tak.

Synth-Lin said...

Pool of balls!
Pool of balls!

Great I get Jello and slime and you get balls.

Arrrrgh!

Why did I bother to get out of the bath and read this.

Love my bath

Lin.

Private Hudson said...

I bet GLB stands for Gets the Lovely Babes, aint that right, Lyn?

Gyrobo said...

And here I thought dragons were on the endangered list.

<pun>
Looks like you were the endangered one!
</pun>

Tatooine the Tauntaun said...

That was great! GREAT! I liked how you poked the dragon's eyes, and I-I- Love it! Great! Can I watch it again... Fight the dragon again! Again!

(This post has been gleefully judged by Erifia's pet.)

Trunks said...

I bet it Glb means gets lucky with Bizzaros

Dark Jedi Kriss said...

Dragon Poker!

Don't ask Tak what that means! He'll pun you.

Simon said...

For some reason whenever I think of you, it's always in a pool of balls. Strangely appropriate.

Henchman432 said...

Stop Fantasizing about me.

Nathan Petrelli said...

Did Simon just come out? I wasn't expecting that...