The challenge has been cast. The gauntlet thrown down. Many have been called, few have answered. On the planet Hacknor... On Fire Island D, brave contestants will compete. Who will falter? Who will thrive? Who will be
Jon: Welcome contestants, this next challenge could conceivably be the most challenging yet. To give you your briefing, we’ve called in the heavy firepower. So without further ado, I give you Private Hudson.
Hudson: Atyennnnn-Hyut! Listen up, it’s time to get frosty. I am your senior drill instructor Private Hudson and you will listen to me good. Your daddies are not here and your mommies are not here for you, for this challenge I will be your daddy and your mommy. You! Suck in your gut!
(Petrelli sucks in his gut)
Hudson: Stick out your chest!
(Synth Lyn sticks out her chest)
Hudson: You! Stick out your chest, too.
(Dark Jedi Kriss sticks out her chest)
(Dark Jedi Kriss grumbles and sticks out her chest further.
Hudson: You! Stand at attention!
Professor X: Ahem.
Hudson: Oh, uh. Gosh I’m sorry Professor, I forgot for a minute there. I guess you can just sit there at attention. Uh, or comfortably, sit comfortably. How are you feeling?
Godfrey Zebulon: Are you going to tell us our challenge?
Hudson: Atyennnn-hyut! You will only speak when spoken to!
Zebulon: You do realize that I outrank you, don’t you?
Hudson: Ulp! Ah, OK, here’s the challenge. Through that gate is the most dangerous obstacle course ever devised by the Colonial Marine Training and Doctrine Command, the CoMTrDoC. There are many paths to take, but each one is more dangerous than the last! (Well, not really, but that sounds cool when I say it, doesn’t it?). There are trenches, flame throwers, swinging blades, raging rivers, deadly quicksand, Malaysian tiger traps, Scandinavian yak traps, and a giant slide of green slime. You name it, it’s in there. In fact, very few Colonial Marines who go through that come out in one piece!
Kon-El: Pfft, that seems stupid, why put them through it if it’s just gonna hurt ‘em all?
(Hudson stands there dumbfounded for several minutes.)
Hudson: Because it’s training! This is how you become a motivated, dedicated, high speed low drag, super frosty, gung ho deadly killer part of the greatest team that this galaxy has ever laid its eyes on.
Professor X: The X-Men?
Henchman: Advanced Idea Mechanics?
Gyrobo: The Traveling Wilburys?
Hudson: No! The Colonial Marines!
Mr. Bennet: Hey, I understand motivation. One time, down at the mill I had to train three interns. I tell you, that was tough. Do you know most people don’t know the first thing about watermarking?
Hudson: Enough! Argh! Just go! Everyone run through the obstacle course so you can be just like a Colonial Marine.
Petrelli (muttering): Who’d want to be?
Gyrobo: Non sequitur!