Thursday, May 24, 2007


Ladies and Gents,

Again Jon starts with it.

Jon: We have another emergency situation, contestants. I know it’s unbelievable, but it’s true. There was a transporter malfunction at the Monkeyboy Embassy on Fire Island M (the M stands for Monkeyboy)!Monkeyboys are being replicated all across the island! More and more are coming through by the second and the whole island will soon be choked by an insane amount of these bizarre anthropomorphic unfunny creatures.

I swear he came up with this show just so we can do his dirty work. The idea to nuke the place was nixed.

Jon: We need you contestants to go in there and press the recall button on the transporter to send them all back.

See more dirty work, While he meets with a Queen and celebrates his 2nd Blogoversary.

Jon: The monkeyboys apparently are being synthesized by the transporter, so they’re not being teleported in from anywhere and whether or not they are actually “alive” is something for the philosophers to debate. What’s most important is that they’re sent back through the machine into the nothingness from which they came before they become a terrible burden on this galaxy.

Henchman (cocking an automatic rifle): Oh yeah, time for me to shine. I think to myself. Payback, this it's for real.

Godfrey Zebulon: You’re not going to shoot them all are you?

Henchman: Only the ones who get in my way. Or the ones trying to get out of my way.I think to myself.* Heck yeah.*

Jon: Another thing that I must warn you about the monkeyboys is their incredible unpredictability. They have some sort of morphic ability, a horrifically juvenile mindset and a terrifying penchant for wacky physical humor. Gladiators, proceed with caution. You have the marine dropships and hovercycles at your disposal; use any powers or abilities that you have if you can.

I grab some gear and get ready.

I am going to kill them all from Chimpan "A" to Chimpanzee. This time they aren't going to make a monkey out of me. I have a mole working for me. It should make this a little easier, but Monkeyboys aren't easy. They never are.

The Dropship flys by Monkeyboy Island, for some reason it's sunny. Monkeyboy Island is never sunny.

This mean the imates are running the Asylum. Not good. The whole island is now full of prat falls and fart jokes. The ground is littered with banana peels, bad sitcom scripts for According to Jim and Two and a Half Men.

I have to be careful now. No run and gun. I don't want to call atention to myself. So, that means no Dark Beast, yet. I pick off a few Monkeyboys from far away.

This one gets the drop on me.

"Hey, its a Banana Man." It shouts.

I think to myself * Maybe, it wasn't a good idea to wear all yellow.*

They charge, I empty clip after clip, nothing seems to stop them. It's like there is an unending supply. I summon as many Dark Beast as I can. They disappear under a sea of monkeyboys asking to pull their fingers.

I punch and kick my way through them. My super strength and speed are not enough. They swarm. I yell "Overdrive", with this setting I can hold my own with Thor. I smash and throw the monkeys as far as the eye can see. I keep fighting as I hear "But, we find you a peeling..."
I blackout.

I wake to see these three guarding me. They take to the Mastermind behind all of this.

Grodd. Gorillia Grodd to be exact.

"Well.Well, Well, if it isn't Local Henchman 432. How are you doing? Not that I care. After all, you blacklisted me. As some one, who can never hire from the Henchman Union. This bothers me, because good labor is so hard to find. Until now." Grodd yaps on.

"Lets get a good look at you." He clutchs my face.

"Get your paws off of me, you damn dirty ape." I yell out.

He backhands me across the chamber.

"You never get the Monkeyboys to think straight, let alone work for you." I inform him.

"Oh, but with this helmet, I will. It grants me the power to filter through the monkey business. Ha ha, get it." He chuckles.

"No, but you will." I retort.

My mole hits Grodd in the back of the head, with a chair. While saying "Have a seat."

I thank Dr. Zaius.

"Oh, No. I want to hear it." He speak softly.

I respond. "Well, Dr. Zaius. You finally made a monkey out of me." Ugh.

I get to the recall button on the transporter and bam. The job is over. I head back to camp. I still am going to Nuke this place as soon as the show is over.

Dental for All.

Dr.Polaris rules.


Dark Jedi Kriss said...

I told you they were wearing pants.


I can't look again. I can still smell them.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

"Have a seat!" Man, that's an awesome line, I have to remember that.

Oh yeah, and did your weapons have a banana clip on it? Get it? Somtimes I slay me.

Gyrobo said...

Wow. Hacknor sure is the wackiest place in the universe.

*sees the Statue of Liberty*

♪ Oh my God! I was wrong!
It was Earth all along!
You've finally made a monkey-
Yes you've finally made a monkey
Out of meeeeeeee! ♬

I love you, Dr. Zaius!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Greatest. Musical. Ever.

Ghost of Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

gyrobo: you saw the statue of liberty?? NOOOOOO. I died to avoid our destruction!!!!

Darth Inferna said...

There would have been a lot more death, and a lot less monkeys if I was in your shoes. The big one, Grodd... I'd have spanked that monkey.

Overall, I didn't want to gouge my own eyes out. Congratulations.

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