Friday, June 1, 2007

The Show Must Go On

Our team meeting had started with a long awkward silence. I had been expecting that stooge Petrelli to try and take over. Apparently he was waiting for me to do the same. Fine, I'll play his game.

"I'm thinking that we should do some kind of skit," I said, "with all four of us. It could have a comedic motif. Perhaps something about the Gladiators or about our experiences here. Maybe we could-"

"How about we do an opera?" Petrelli interrupted. "Something romantic."

"Sorry, I don't sing," I replied.

"We could mime it," he suggested.

"Mime? You want us to mime an opera?"

"Look Hot Wheels, when I was starting my first campaign for public office I had to work-"

"No one care, Petrelli," I told him. "No one is listening. Why don't you just go off and talk to yourself?"

"What? You mean like a monologue?" I could see the gears slowly turning in his head. "I could do that. I could give my victory speech. It's really good. I had a Hollywood guy write it."

And with that he got up and left. Godfrey followed after him, mumbling something about having to prepare.

That left just me and Kriss, which was just fine with me. I've been wanting to spend some one on one time getting to know her better. There's something about exotic aliens I find very sexy. Turning to her, I gave her my best winning smile.

"Well that's just great," she said angrily. "You two act like such pathetic little children."

And then she got up and left. So much for our team meeting. Now you see why I put someone else in charge of the X-Teams.

Obviously Petrelli was going to need some pay back for making me look bad in front of Kriss. And for being Petrelli. It wouldn't be revenge though. It would be purely for instructional purposes.

My plan worked perfectly. When Petrelli popped out of the cake dressed in negligee and make-up I nearly fell out of my seat with laughter. Unfortunately I had spent so much time putting my little plan together, I didn't have much left to come up with my entertainment.

I decided to go with Old Reliable - my very stirring speech about humans and mutants living together in brotherhood and love. I'll have you know it has been compared to Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech, usually favorably.

When Kriss was done with her stand up act, I moved to the center of the stage in my hover chair. I began with a discussion of the genetic characteristics that distinguish mutants from humans. To be honest, the Queen didn't seem that interested. I was confident that by the end, she would be moved to tears.

I had just gotten up to the part about the benefits to society of diversity when a sarcastic voice called out, "You call this entertainment? I've seen more interesting things come out of the wrong end of Dick Cheney's pants."

"Wha-?" I quickly scanned the audience but couldn't see who had heckled me.

"An elevator music version of Air Supply stuck in a loop would be more interesting than that pap you're spouting."

To my embarrassment, Queen Galacta started laughing. How does she know who Air Supply is?

"You have about as much charisma as the garden slug I found crawling in the dirt last week."

I spun around and saw Nathan Petrelli walking on the stage towards me. He was still dressed in that ridiculous negligee. He looked garish with the makeup. He had caught me off guard and I just sat there stunned that he was humiliating the both of us like that. By the time I had recovered, he was standing next to me.

"You know what your problem is, Hot Wheels?" he asked sarcastically. As he spoke, he rested a hand on my arm rest. The one with the controls to the chair. "You just don't have-"

His words were cut short as he activated the booster jets in my hover chair. Suddenly I sky-rocketed straight up in the air over the audience. Petrelli was hanging on for dear life, screaming like a girl the whole time.

I tried desperately to regain control of the chair but all that was happening was that we zigged and zagged in wild circles, nearly crashing into the ceiling or the stage. The audience shrieked as we dive bombed them. I realized the chair was heading on a direct collision course with the Queen.

In a last ditch effort not to kill her, I cut all the power to my chair. It promptly turned upside down, dumping Nathan and I in a heap on the stage before it crashed into the orchestra pit.

As I lifted my weary head, I heard a horrific sound. The audience was laughing hysterically - at me.


Dark Jedi Kriss said...

Awe now you know I just love you both.

Funny post! Heehee!

Vegeta said...

FyI I know some people in the after life, if that ghost gets too annoying.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...


What a magnificent aerobatic display.

Godfrey Zebulon said...

*winces* That didn't look too pretty

I guess me stepping out for some air was well timed.. Fafnir has a tendency to want to go after flying things.. don't ask.. I still havne't figured it out.

Simon said...

Don't take this the wrong way but you're really not very bright, are you? You can't figure out how to fly a cycle, run the battle armors or even operate your own wheelchair. Perhaps you should think of a new career. Maybe farming.

Summer Dawn O'Ciardha said...

No wonder they were laughing, the best part of your entry was when you went flying into the air.

In general, it was all a mistake how you entertained anyone. Moving people and entertaining people are two differnt things.


"No one cares, Petrelli,"

Kriss; and for being Petrelli

Overall, the post wasn't painful to read.

Ghost of Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

Hot Wheels, I plan on haunting you for all eternity, even if I'm not dead.

I hope you feel some guilt over my embarassmet, and for nearly killing me by dragging my exposed hiney over the chairs in the audience.

Professor Xavier said...

Being a mutant is never having to say your sorry.