Jon: Welcome Gladiators and congratulations on making the Final Three. Are you ready for the most exciting, dangerous challenge yet?
Dark Jedi Kriss: Sure.
Mr. Bennet: That’s what we’re here for.
Jon: Then I have I got a surprise for you! You will be excited to see your new guest for this challenge. Contestants, meet Bone Grinder.
Bone Grinder: Hiya Sally.
Mr. Bennet: Er…
Henchman: Uh, hey.
Jon: Bone Grinder’s going to let you know what the Challenge is. Grinder?
Bone Grinder: That’s right ya yellow pantywaists. I’m going to tell you a story, a story about your favorite gladiator and something that happened back in aught two. You see, back then I was throwin’ down for a credit here or a credit there for anyone who would pay. Now, one day I get a call. You know who I get the call from? None other than Jimmy James Taftenhour Junior himself. That’s right, the president of the galactic senate himself called me to his office for an important mollusk shuck. I put a red onion on my belt and headed to the space bus. Them buses used to cost five bees. Gimme a five bees, they’d say and they’d ride that bus to the end of the line and back again. You know what I mean? So I goes to see Jimmy James in the flesh and he’s got to be three metrons tall if he’s a day, and I says to him “Listen here you rat bastard son of a bongdar, you let me know what’s going on here and now, you lay it to me straight ‘cuz I’m not going to take one of your whitewash jobs, do you read me, you tin plated glantag eater!” Well he laughed right then and there, he laughed and laughed and he mumble mumble mumble. He then told me about Nebula Pete and his map of mumble mumble. Nebula Pete had a mumble mumble and they knew that they had to get it. What do you mean you’re out of curly fries? Jimmy James and I rode that steel can all the way to Orion and back looking for that dang interspersal dollywong and we thought we’d get them bandits for sure at the next green trandan. We had Chainsaw, Demonseed and Ironhand. What mop? I don’t have any pudding. We gotta get that mumble mumble before that other plandar drops. You know what I mean?
Bennet: What did he just--?
Bone Grinder: Jimmy James sent me to the space jump mumble mumble I grabbed that ugly little bioped by his fat, gray neck and I said “You look at me! I’m gonna kill you if you don’t drop the prefab postbox.” I have to stop the needle. Where did my socks go?
Dark Jedi Kriss: Is he OK?
Jon: Sure he is, it just looks like his old age has caught up to him. Either that or maybe some powerful telepath has been screwing around with his mind a little too much.
Bone Grinder: I was pissing on the desert sand when the desert whispered to me, isn’t it a fracking shame? Things will never be the same. I’ll tell you what I am, I’m a repo man!
Jon: There you go, Gladiators. Your challenge is to go on Bone Grinder’s hero’s quest. Kriss, you will go with Charlene “Chainsaw” Thrace, Henchman will accompany Demonseed, and Bennet will go with Ironhand Heynow. Follow Bone Crusher’s directions and accomplish your tasks. Like the last challenge, all contestants and judges will decide the winner. And oh yes, good luck. You’ll need it.
Bone Grinder: Where’s my pudding?
Sunday, June 24, 2007
The challenge has been cast. The gauntlet thrown down. Many have been called, few have answered. On the planet Hacknor... On Fire Island D, brave contestants will compete. Who will falter? Who will thrive? Who will be