Monday, June 25, 2007

Bone’s Interspercal Dollywong

After that wonder story by what’s his name, my partner came to get me for my Hero’s quest. Charlene “chainsaw” Thrace, so named for the MASSVIE chainsaw she walked up to me carrying. Powered up, mind you. My mouth dropped to the floor.

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“Ok, Jedee, let’s get par-tay started!” she shouts as the saw cuts off.

I lifted my mouth. “One: I’m not a Jedee, I’m Jedi. Two: this is not party.”

She snorted and rubbed her nose. “A whata you say? A Jedu?”

“Never mind,” I muttered. “So you’re going to help me?”

“Yeah, me and you, we going to find Bone Grinder’s interspercal dollywong for him,” Charlene said.

“How can that be Hero’s Quest?” I said shocked. “And what is it?”

“Well, Jedee, is about where the interspercal dollywong be dat make it Hero’s Quest and yous’ll see soon enough!” A laugh.

Why me? “Okkk, then. Before we go, I have to ask. What’s up with the wings?”

Charlene smiles and flashes her four teeth. “Cause I can fly, girly, fly high and hard.”

I smiled my “here we go again with the nuttiness” smile. “What are we “flying” in?”

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“What the-” I spat. Now I know I’m in hell. We hop in, and the smell of beer is over-whelming, knida like Anakin’s room after a party.

“Dats the map of mumble mumble,” she told me, handing me this tattered, folded piece of paper.

“That’s a real thing?”

“Well, hecks yeah! Bone anit crazy you know! His ‘hole story really happeneds!”

“Where is this interspercal dollywong at?” I shouted as she took off.

“Hold on and ya’ll see!” The engine was very loud, and the radio even louder. I think it is Big and Rich… whoever that is. We took out over the deser-where did that come from-and head out over the dunes.

We rolled up to the house of Jimmy James and hopped out. I was thankful, you don’t know how much. I looked up at the- this was a house?

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Right about then this creature come running out and started growling at me. “Holy mother of the stars! What is that thing?” I shouted, jumping on the hood of the car and whipping out my lightsaber.

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“Dat be my dawg, girl!” A man shouts, coming out of the house. My mouth fell open again. I was thinking I stepped into a bad episode of the As The Force Turns or something. All I could do is stare.

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“I anit got his interspercal dollywong!” Jimmy shouts at Charlene, ignoring me.

“Hand it over, or dis here Jedee is going to stick her light bulb up your tinker!” Charlene tells him. “And am I going to power up me chainsaw!”

“My what?” I said. Oh, lightsaber.

Jimmy looks me over. “Whatthe tar is a Jedee?”

I snorted. “You don’t want to find out. Give me the interspercal dollywong so I get back to normal people already!”

“Oh, fine! I do want that thang anymore anyhoo! Take it!” He hands something up to me.

“What is this?” I asked, eyebrow up.

“Dat is Bone’s interspercal dollywong, whata think it was?”


“Yeah! Take the darn thang!” he shouts storming off with his creature.

Charlene smiled her toothy smile. “Well dat were easier than I thought would be.”

I held it up. “This? My quest was for this?”

“Yapppers. Coulda been worse. Coulda been for puddin!”

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Something is very wrong with this contest.

I’m going to jump in my General Lee and go mudding! Bye, ya’ll! YEEEHHAWWWW!


Godfrey Zebulon said...

*dies laughing* Oh that was great DJ! I guess I am rather grateful I didn't make it this far.. I wouldn't have a clue what to do here *snickers*

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Wow. Never in million bazzillion bajillion years would I have guessed that an interspercal dollywong was that.

And it looks like the years have been rough on Jimmy James, too. And to think the people's of this galaxy elected him to preside over the senate.

Skywalker said...

interspercal dollywong! *spits*

Have you any idea how wrong that sounds?

Erifia's Author said...

I seem to remember this time when I was looking for my Interpercal Dollywong. It was interesting. I had to travel into Canada, and... Well, I had similar experiances to you. Hockey Players. And likewise... Mounties. Ever been chased out of Canada by Hockey Players and Mounties? They threw me down Niagra Falls, "Get outta Canahdia Aaaa..." Turns out the Interpercal Dollywong was in my fro... Good times, Good times.

By the way, my opinion has no sway, but good post. The pictures illustrated it all very... Vividly. And I was kind of scared too... But Fear is good...

Kon-El said...

Yay! You were attacked by stero types. I'm so glad the dolly wong ewas't what i tthought it was.

Synth-Lin said...

Such low grade stereotypes.

Though I do like the chainsaw lady. I must get myself one of those.

Love you all


Dark Jedi Kriss said...

Note from DJK's author: I live in Georgia so I can use stereotypes.


Henchman432 said...

Nice. This means I have to raise my game. Darn You DJK.

Simon said...

The dramatic tension was riveting as I was left guessing whether he would hand the thing over as you asked for it. My heart is still pounding. Never have I read a more thrilling adventure.

Dark Jedi Kriss said...


You feeling alright there?

You need wet towel for your head?

Simon said...

I think I'll be alright now, thanks.

Ghost of Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

I love you <3