Monday, June 11, 2007

Cotton Candy, It’s Evil!

Do I look like a salesperson to you? Well I ended up as one. I thought saving the galaxy was hard work! Pssssh! Not even close.

I decided to sell cotton candy on mini glowing fake lightsabers. So cute, little hilts and sticks of different colors. My idea. It was hit too. On top of that… Xavier had the idea I should wear my gold slave girl bikini. HE said it would boot sales. Personally I think he just wanted to see me wear it.

I worked hard all day, the crowd never ended, it seemed. I had cotton candy mess in my hair, on my top, everywhere. And I couldn’t stop eating it, either.

It’s additive, you know?

After sneaking bites of this stuff all day I was hyper and my senses were all whack. So I was taking a break sitting down on the floor, trying not to eat more cotton candy when I hear someone tap on the counter impatiently. I sat up on my knees and looked over counter and there he was.

Buckethead.

“What in the Force are you doing here?” I snapped.

Vader shouts at the same time. “What in the Force are you doing here?”

I stood up. “You came here to bother me.”

“I most certainly did not! I was going to buy come cotton candy. I like it,” Vader said, crossing his arms.

“Why? You can’t eat it! How would get in your mouth?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

“I find your lack of service to be disturbing.”

I leaned over and popped his helmet. “How’s that for service?”

I scooped up a large bundle of cotton candy and shoved it at him. “I want to see you eat it. And if you whip out a blender, I’ll kill you.” (Can you even blend cotton candy like that?)

He tears off a piece and stares at it. I slapped the counter. “See? I knew it! You can’t eat it! You did come here to bother me! You came to goggle my outfit!”

“Fine. You’re fired,” he snapped.

“Excuse me?”

“I rented the coliseum for this event, so for today I’m your boss. Or was. You are fired,” Vader said.

I jumped over counter and… tried to get in his face. 7 feet to my 5’4, that’s why I say tried. “Who are you? Donald Trump? You can’t fire me, this is contest challenge.”

I gave a whistle. My little Monkeyboy friend jumped out from behind the counter, followed by a few of his pals. These were the guys who didn’t get sucked back in the transporter. They seemed to like me and follow me around a lot.

They were good for security, too.

“Escort Darth Trump out of here!” I shouted.

“You no bother the Queem of the popper! MOOMMOGOGLLAAA!” Monkeyboys shout, swinging their plastic nanners at Vader’s legs. Funniest thing I have seen: Vader attacked by Monkeyboys. He was fighting off the little jumpers all the way out of the coliseum.

I packed up after that and hide out with Xavier for the rest of the afternoon. His sales double in an hour. I don’t know why…

21 comments:

Skywalker said...

Darth Trump?
*spits space pepsi*

Darth Inferna said...

It certainly would "Boot" sales. Frankly you're not that attractive Dark Jedi Kriss.

Speaking of Dark Jedi, want to just come to the Dark Side, because I think Darth Kriss is a lot easier to say then Dark Jedi Kriss.

As far as your post... I didn't want to claw out some random minion's eyes.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Vader always had this Imperial and imposing air about him.

Vader getting hit in the shins with plastic nanners, however, is quite a sight.

Darth Vader said...

This never happened.

The last part.

And the middle.

And the end.

Godfrey Zebulon said...

Yeah righht Vader.. the only upside is if Anakin would've been there and shoved some of that stuff in your mask.. now THAT would've been the eh.. forgive the pun.. trump card

corbiscide said...

What no pictures?

This would have looked great if you could have found some chick dressed up like Red Sonja. Now that can't be so hard to find.

Let me try

corbiscide said...

First Image search google

Its easy. Then all you have to do is work on your photochop skillz.

Simon said...

It was bound to happen sooner or later - Xavier had a good idea. If you are lucky enough to actually have a talent, why not flaunt it?

corbiscide said...

You stole that from The Producers. Your lucky Mel Brooks doesn't sue.

Dark Jedi Kriss said...

Hey, corbiscide, I dont know who you are but those who know me know I got plenty of mad photochop skillz.

Vegeta said...

yes look at Many of the pictures she put in in a lot of the earlier blog posts

Dark Jedi Kriss said...

What is this? Pick on DJK week? LOL!

Vegeta said...

( shrugs ) I'm kind of evil it's my thing.

captain koma said...

Gee you should know who he is cause he writes everything that comes out of my mouth.

Professor Xavier said...

This was definitely the highlight of the competition for me. Hanging out for the afternoon with a sexy Dark Jedi dressed up in that slave girl outfit. I could retire right now.

Ghost of Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

I wouldn't pick on you Dark Jedi. Unless you wanted me to... ;o)

Dark Jedi Kriss said...

Nathan, Xaiver, you two are so sweet. Vegeta, evil, huh? I can respect that.

Summer Dawn O'Ciardha said...

Corbiscide, I'm sorry, since when were you the judge of this competition?

I find it incrediably rude to undermine, first of all, The Judge, second of all, The writer, and third of all, Jon, and throw in what you would do to improve posts.

Normally, I just read, and keep my mouth shut, but in my short time at LGS, I enjoyed reading, and I was a judged, and I judged, and tried to assist them. Are you the judge? And not all posts need pictures, ever see your own blog?

If you want to comment, comment, if you want to make fun of the author for what happened in the post. But don't correct what they saw fit to put into their post.

Hiss.

corbiscide said...

Hey just look beyond your accusational attitude missy goth. I'm offering a service here. Mainly for myself. And yes my blog don't have much in the way of pics. Reason why its not supposed to. Corbiscideit is high brow literature in the making.

DKJ is trumps with the pics on her blog but she doesn't put up pics for LGS. I reckon her posts would be much more appealing if she had a few. Look at the lovely pics Synth-Lin had for her's they were great.

Pics make a good post better.

Summer Dawn O'Ciardha said...

Well then, perhaps a more discrete way is called for.

I also believe you may have insulted the authors. That's never good.

Noah Bennet said...

You're lucky I didn't break out my gold bikini too. I would have dominated this challenge for sure then!

And gah! Even I think these people are mean.