Friday, June 15, 2007

Xavier sells some crap

After Jon told us about our new challenge - selling little knick-knacks to the poor innocent spectators at the Gladiator matches - the other contestants and I were taken to the booths outside the arena. I quickly claimed the table next to Dark Jedi Kriss's. If I was going to be stuck doing a dull sales job all day, I at least wanted something to look at.
Since we had just been teammates, I rolled over to her and, as casually as I could, suggested she might want to wear an appropriate uniform. Something that would catch passer-by's eyes. A slave girl costume. Fortunately I happen to carry one around with me. You know, just in case.

My suggestion was made purely as a humanitarian gesture, to assist my former teammate, you understand. My entertainment set, I then turned to my own station. I started unloading the boxes of crap that I was given to sell. I actually did all the manual labor myself. By hand. I absolutely did not take over one of the stadium patron's minds have him do it and I don't care what photographic evidence proving otherwise you say you have Koma. I'm not giving you a penny.

The inventory I was given consisted of several hundred stuffed Monkeyboy dolls. You pull the string and it says one of five phrases, each equally irritating. Great. Like anyone in their right mind is going to want one of these things. I wasn't going to make a penny.

Sighing, I sat back in my chair under the umbrella and watched Kriss perform her magic. I must say, that girl is talented. She certainly knows how to work a bikini. She was doing quite moving her merchandise.

Hours passed and I had mad very few sales. Glancing around at the other competitors, I noticed that a rather long line was forming at Henchman's table. Well that wasn't good news.

I wheeled over for a closer look. There was a small monitor on his table and it was playing some kind of video. I leaned in close and to my shock, I saw Dark Jedi Kriss doing rather improbable things in front of a full-length mirror. Things that were definitely not suitable for a family setting.

I sat back and let him ring up a few hundred in sales and then I called the local Gladiator Law Enforcement Brigade. I took a chance, figuring the selling of adult material in a public venue like a sports arena had to be a crime.

The police arrived shortly and started hassling Henchman. He gave them a lot of attitude back. As a super-villain wanna-be, he's had a lot of experiencing being rousted by The Man. I don't think the police were planning to do anything to him until he started cursing them out. All at once the officers whipped out their Tazars and started zapping him. Then they moved to confiscate his inventory.

While Henchy was distracted, I cleaned out his cash draw and snatched one of the videos for myself. Purely for research purposes, you understand. Then I suggested to Kriss we pool the rest of our goods and work together for the rest of the afternoon. We watched with glee as Henchman was lead away in handcuffs.


Wolverine said...

Alright Chuck I got the incriminatin' footage. So when shouldI expect the my copy O'tape?

Henchman432 said...

Blast you, Hot Wheels.This isn't over. I would have gotten away with it to, if was for you and your meddling X men.

Professor Xavier said...


Noah Bennet said...

Perhaps if you weren't so immoral you wouldn't have a problem standing tall?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

You may think that exploiting someone else's body while you're inhabiting it for a reality competition is a cool thing to do but you have to remember that even if you're in it, it's still not your body.

The more you know.

N! B! C!

Dark Jedi Kriss said...

Hm.... I told you not to show off that pic. There is too much of me going around these days...

Godfrey Zebulon said...

You're not the only one.. You realize.. it's going to be debatable if we can get back to the temple without becoming the poster children for the Order?* hides*

Simon said...

About what I've come to expect - lying, cheating, stealing. Hopefully next year's show will have some rules so they can give you the boot.

Darth Inferna said...

You and myself are very close Professor. We think alike, how scary is that? I remember this one time, I arrived at a charity event in my stolen hummer, pulled by a chariot of orphans, and stole the money box.

Now I sound like the stupid Author.

The post was so painful, I stabbed myself to aleviate some of it.

Skywalker said...

*eyes picture*

I can't look that, I just can't.

*peeps again*

Padme is going to kill me.