Saturday, June 2, 2007


I was so excited, this challenge played to all my strengths. Unfortunately it was rather hard to elicit any excitement from my mere male teammates.
All Mr. Bennet wanted to do was a play. Really, doesn't he understand the whole concept of the term Variety Show?
Henchy's advice wasn't much better.
"Why don't you shoot ping pong balls?" he asked with a devilish grin.
I asked him for some more detail on what kind of act he meant. I have to say that such an act would be considered quite vulgar. I'm very sure despite the novelty of such an act, her majesty would not appreciate it being performed in front of her. Mind you I did spend a while thinking about the mechanics of it all.

I did away with that act and decided to perform some light comedy with Mr Bennet. And then a dance routine with Henchy and Mr Bennet and some synthoid dancers that I made.

I was so nervous before the curtain opened to start the show. If I was human I'd have thrown up all over the place. Unfortunately Mr Bennet did when Dark Jedi Kris stole our thunder doing the old fake ventriloquist gag before us.

Going on after Dark Jedi Kris and Yoda was more than a bit embarrassing. Not to mention the fact that Mr Bennet was feeling rather awkward with me sitting on his lap. I have to admit I did detect an increase in his heart rate and his breathing. But surely that was just stage fright. He was very stiff in his delivery. His lines never came on time, always too late or too soon. Then he started shifting me around as if he was trying to adjust something. Then with all his shifting and shuffling I lost balance and fell off his lap. The crowd all fell to pieces thinking this was a part of the act. It wasn't and the curtain came quickly down. The last I saw of Mr Bennet was him dashing back stage.

Of course next was the dace routine but I couldn't find Mr Bennet. Henchy told me that he was still in the bathroom getting over the premature cancellation of our ventriloquist act. Well I think thats what he said. Anyway we found a replacement who was quite firm in his resolve that he wouldn't go limp and under perform with me. Which was a miracle. There was not enough time to make a synthoid Mr Bennet.
Anyway its impossible to find good dancers on Hacknor, the national dance is the Clogen-stoffel. Its only danced by men because they wear 12 pound steel clogs.You can't really dance but you can sure shuffle or stoffel as its called. You can pick an old Clogen-stoffeler they all have at least one leg missing.

So we got the dance underway.
As the strains of Jamiraquai's Canned Heat began I entered the stage and I was soon joined by our fill in dancer and Henchy. Henchy and I began and the fill in simply ignored the routine and just danced by himself.
I was appalled.
"Just go with the flow Lin." advised Henchy and he joined in. I stood there just watching the two dance free-form to the music. The crowd began clapping along with the beat encouraging more and more outrageous moves from the dancers.
Of course I joined in and by the end of the song the three of us were given a standing ovation.

Love you all.



Simon said...

Henchy's partner is Napoleon Dynamite? Why am I not surprised? Just a word of advice - you can make it legal in Massachusetts.

Kon-El said...

And simon would know! Zing!

Henchman432 said...

Simon, wipe the drool from you face.I sorry that Randy left you for a Tranny.

Summer Dawn O'Ciardha said...

You should have just went with a Horde of Make Blood Elves. You would have been better off.

Your entry does indeed seem stale after reading the Dark Jedi's and the dancing thing; it seemed stale too. I think you got the short end of the stick.


Of course next was the dance routine

You spelled Dance wrong. The post was okay at best. Sorry.

Summer Dawn O'Ciardha said...

Oh my dear God, am I blushing. I mispelled the word Male in my comment. I want to shoot myself. But I won't re-do it, I like to learn from my mistakes.

Summer Dawn O'Ciardha said...

Correction: Typo.

Ghost of Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

You used quite a bit of inudeno in this one. I can't say i'm too surprised about that with Bennet...He looks like the kind to arrive early.