Thursday, June 7, 2007

One lame Penis joke

This body swapping is rather confusing. I'm Godfrey, Godfrey's Mr Bennet and Mr Bennet's me. Oh well lets see what Godfrey's got.
I find the lightsaber.
Ffvvvvooooom! The saber lights up.
"Oh Yeah!" I exclaim. This is going to be fun.
Then from out of the sky alights my synthetic Crow sidekick Vandal.
"Hey Lin how's it hanging." he quips.
"How did you know I'm in Godfrey's body?" I asked.
"I read the LGS2 blog like everyone else of course." he explains. "So whats it like to have cojones?"
"Vandal you know I don't speak French." I tell him. "And there's no way I can just use the translator that's in my synthetic brain. I'm a humaniod now."
"Yeah a male one. So I guess you wanna use the one eyed monster huh!" he prompts.
I didn't register.
"The annaconda." said Vandal. I still didn't register so he continued. "The big bopper, your captain picard, the dude piston, elastic warrior, the bald general, hector erector cervix inspector, incredible heat seeking moisture missile ,john thomas, kickstand, long dong silver, mister gerkin." Vandal took a breath at this point.
"C'mon girl you you've got a PENIS!" yelled Vandal in frustration.
"Well duh!" I replied.
"So are you gonna use it?" That randy Crow he really wanted to know.
"Well I sort of can't." I was a bit embarrassed about why I couldn't.
"What's stopping you?" demanded Vandal. "You think he wouldn't be like Henchy if he had your body. Time for some experimentation girl."
"Theres something in the way." I told him and I lifted the Jedi robes to reveal a chastity belt.
"You've got to be kidding!" exclaimed Vandal.
"Yeah thats what I thought." I agreed. "But what's weirder is the mark on it."
Vandal hops closer and reads out whats written on the belt.
"Yoda's choice. Keeping Jedi's privates private. Model #122033 The Ani-kant. Whoa! Those Jedi are more screwed up than I thought."
"You bet have a look at this shirt of Godfrey's I found." I hold the shirt aloft.
"Hah! As if that geek Godfrey's a porn jedi." cackled Vandal.
"So what else do Jedi do?" I asked Vandal.
"Well they go around fighting the forces of the Empire. You know stormtroopers, Darth Vader and all that." relays Vandal. He then produces a piece of paper."This is where they're hanging out in Hacknor. If you hurry you'll stop them in time."
"Truth justice and the Jedi way!" I shout. I turn on my heel go out to stop the evil Empire. I thought I could hear Vandal chuckling, but with these human ears I couldn't hear a thing.

On the way I find these guys in a store shoplifting.
"Stop villains." I command.
"Yeah good one who are you supposed to be, Luke Geekwalker? Nerdy-wan-Obi?" jokes one of the stormtoopers.
"I'm Li... Godfrey Zebulon Jedi master." I tell them. I strike a pose, lightsaber ready to be turned on.
"Yeah! like thats a real Jedi name." laughed the other one. "Reality check dude. If you want a real fight its two against one and that 'saber ain't gonna do sqwat."
"Oh I don't think so." I smile and light the 'saber.
The stormtroopers begin to share profanities. I begin my assault, they turn and run.
I give chase. They run down the street and into a whole cohort of Stormtroopers.
This couldn't be any better.
I let out a loud cry and run headlong at the white horde.

Sometime later......

The cameras flash and the crowd of reporters quiet down. I am ushered out onto the stage flanked by Jon IG and various lawyers.
"Thank you for all coming today." greets Jon IG to the crowd. "Lin as you can see has been returned to her own body. She will read a preprepared statement. No questions will be answered. Lin." Jon looks a bit weary as he tells me to start.
"I am sorry for the incident earlier today." I begin. "I offer a full and complete apology to the Hacknor Star Wars Society and the organisers of the Hacknor Sci-Fi Convention. My actions were rash and fool hardy. Even though I was under the assumption that all Stormtroopers were clones under the control of the Empire. Which in turn was controlled by Emperor Palpatine and lead by the evil Darth Vader. I should have realised that this assumption was wrong. The only comfort I can take from all of this is that I didn't kill anyone." Its here I departed from the preprepared statement. "Sure some people lost limbs and other body parts. Oh! and when I worked out how to do Force Wedgies. Gee that must have hurt. I do hope everyone gets feeling back in their umm privates. I am very sorry."

The cameras flashed violently and they all barked out so many questions. It was very intimidating. Jon and the lawyers led me out of the room.
"Did I do good Jon?" I asked once the door to the media room was closed.
Jon let out a short sigh and then smiled.
"Lin this is just the boost to the shows ratings we've needed. Thank you so much." Jon kissed and hugged me. The lawyers all shook my hand.
"You can join me and Shirley Schmitt-ho tonight?" asked an older lawyer who pinched my bottom and handed me his phone number. "Denny Crane for President you know its good."

Alls well that ends well.

Love you all

Lin

11 comments:

Henchman432 said...

Nice.

Noah Bennet said...

It isn't polite to attack Stormtroopers.

Vegeta said...

But is fun. Andyou should have gotten Obi wan Drunk that'a always good entertinment.

Vegeta said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Skywalker said...

I see you found out about the chastity belts. Pho made him keep that one whe she isn't around.

Over all: Funny.

Ghost of Congressman Nathan Petrelli said...

I feel sorry for your assistant judge this week. it is going to be hard to choose.

Godfrey Zebulon said...

*blinks*

eh.. not bloody even answering that.. * shakes head*

( *grins* I think everyone is seeking to kill me laughing today great post!)

Phobia said...

*grins thinly* Oh you wait til you get back to the temple Anakin.. you wait..

Not even gonna go there on the chastity belt.. though black certainly is his color* giggles*

Simon said...

Don't take this the wrong way, but when I read your posts I feel like I'm reading an Archie comic or something. Immature, repetitive, that's what I'm saying. I doubt they would make lame penis jokes.

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