Friday, April 27, 2007

Xavier joins the fray

No sooner had my shuttle landed on Hacknor than I was led across the tarmac to a row of rather drab looking drop ships.

"Hey Professor, glad you could make it!" Jon said, slapping the back of my hover chair. "Here's your first challenge. And this is your pilot."

Jon handed me a sheet of paper and waved behind him to a rather large cheery fellow with a giant dome over his head. The man saluted sharply.

"Hello, Professor. I'm Buzz. Buzz Lightbright. It'll be my pleasure to fly you up to the station."

Figuring this was part of the first challenge, I left my luggage on the landing pad and followed him to the ship. The silence was getting a little awkward so I decided to make small talk.

"So tell me Buzz, how many of these flights have you made?"

"Including this one? One."

"What? This is your first time flying?"

"Oh I've done the simulators hundreds of times. I have an 87% survival rate. You only need an 85% before you can make actual flights."

Gulping, I hurried into the shuttle and quickly snapped on my seat belt. Logically, of course, I realize that a little canvas strap wouldn't do much if this space ship crashed into something, but it still reassured me.

To my surprise, and great relief, we arrived at the station without incident. At my request Buzz had flown very slowly, which meant most of the other contestants had already departed. Looking down the line of empty launch pads, I saw there was only one pod racer left. Typical.

It looked like a total run down, rusted out piece of junk. Fortunately it was wheelchair accessible at least. I docked my chair and turned back to the pilot. Buzz was still standing outside the door.

"Aren't you coming?" I asked.

"In that deathtrap? Forget it."

"B-but-" I tried to protest, but he had already shut the portal.

Shaking my head, I looked around for the ignition switch. Flood lights, air conditioner, AM-FM radio . . where the heck was the ignition?

"10 seconds to launch," a metallic voice boomed.

Oh crap! Let's see . . turn signal, harpoon cannon, cigarette lighter

"5 seconds to launch."

"Damn . . where the hell was the ignition?!

"3 . . 2 . . 1 . . LAUNCH!"

With a jarring jolt, the hull floor dropped away and my pod plummeted down towards Hacknor. The instrument panel was silent. No flashing lights. No warning siren. Nothing. This wasn't looking good.

A sudden flash out of the front window caught my eye. It was another pod veering crazily towards my general direction. A thin trail of smoke leaked from its tail section. Reaching out with my mind I saw inside it a rather bizarre alien and . . Henchman!

His ship zoomed past me, narrowly missing a head on collision. I quickly fired the rear harpoon cannon, piercing the undercarriage of his pod. A line of high tensile cable spooled out for a bit until it reached the end. When it snapped taut, my ship jerked hard after it.

Henchman flew threw the 6 buoy slalom course. I'm not sure if he was flying or his crazy alien co-pilot. Whoever it was, was terrible. Each turn his ship made sent my ship flying out in wild arcs behind him. I thought I was going to loose my lunch.

Somehow we made it through the slalom. Then Henchman pulled me around the small moon. He was making a very tight orbit and the hull of my broken down, not working pod began to get very, very hot. Sweat started running down my face.

Just when I thought I couldn't take it, Henchman completed his orbit and started down to the surface of Hacknor. But he was descending way too fast. Jettisoning the tow cable, I realized that unless I was able to get my braking rockets to fire, I was going to make a very large hole on the planet.

Of course that meant I had to find that damned ignition switch. I reached out with my telepathic powers to Henchman's ship. Turns out it was the weirdo named Brak who was flying. Looking through his mind was tremendously unpleasant. I'll spare you the horror. The important thing is that I saw the flight controls were activated by voice command.

"Start the engines!" I yelled frantically.

A deep whirring noise rumbled through the ship and then all the lights winked on.

"Brake! Brake!" I screamed.

The retro-rockets fired and I came in for a thankfully soft landing on the pad. I can only hope that my rapid descent saved me from last place.


Erifia Apoc said...

That was lucky. Good job Prof.

Its interesting, I didn't think Buzz could fly, I thought he actually was a toy... I kid, I kid.

Nathan Petrelli said...

It sounds like you made it through pretty well. I heard one guy nearly got knocked out by some lady's huge cannons.

Come to think of it, I guess that isn't a bad way to go.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Didn't you harpoon someone's hovercycle in last year's LGS? One of these days you're going to have to fly on your own, you know.

Synth-Lin said...

Hang on your the earths greatest telepath. Couldn't you like download the experiences of all the pilots in this quadrant making you the greatest pilot ever.

And just remember I thought of that. Yes thats right cute little old me.

Love you all


Henchman432 said...

Didn't you harpoon someone's hovercycle in last year's LGS? One of these days you're going to have to fly on your own, you know.

Yeah really...

Godfrey Zebulon said...

Well at least he made it up and back without too much fuss. As the song goes" Welcome to the Jungle"

Man I've really been stuck listening to Anakin's music for too long. * makes note to rewire his stero system upon return to the temple*

Mr. Bennet said...

Henchman flew threw


Simon said...

The others are right. This was just a cheesey rip off of your race from last season's LGS. You get a big 0 for recycling.

Mr. Bennet said...

Isn't Simon just a cheesy rip-off of Grumpy Smurf?