Monday, April 30, 2007

I'll never be caught dead wearing a bikini.

So after our meeting with Professor Xavier, we received another message. Somebody set us up the treasure hunt. We get signal. Main screen turn on, and all that jazz.

I was too busy eating my last store of Twinkies to pay attention to what was going on. All I knew is that someone shoved an order into my hands that said I needed to get a one-hour guest pass for the Deadly Waterslide o' Fun, because as we all know, I look wonderful in a bikini. Mohinder already knows that because he has nightmares of me wearing one all the time.

I had to put my plan into action and figure out how to go about getting this guest pass without looking too desperate. Grabbing a hoverbike was out -- I kind of broke the first one (oops!) One of those dropships was looking better. I found one on the larger side, got in, and started pressing buttons and pulling levers until the ship started moving (if spinning around in circles in one place is considered moving). I don't like flying. It took me a while to figure out how to get the damn thing to fly straight since I don't fly for reasons I've already stated.

Where on Earth was I going to find a guest pass for this thing? I stopped at the first place I came across -- a small shop on one end of Fire Island appropriately named Betty's Buxom Bikini Bordello. Sounded like the kind of shop for a girl like me. I was greeted by a rather large catlike thing that towered over me by at least a foot, sporting nothing but a pink bikini.

"Oh, hello!" she greeted me, waving someone's pair of boxers over her head. In the corner I saw a Marine holding a helmet over his...yes, well, anyways, he was turning a shade of red that can only be described as supernova crimson. The cat-woman twirled the pair of boxers around her head and tossed them into the nearest dressing room area. "Welcome to Betty's Buxom Bikini Bordello. My name's Mozyr. What can I do you for?"

I raised a brow at her. The Marine was attempting to casually side-step his way to the dressing room to gather his unmentionables. "I'm trying to find a one hour guestpass for the Deadly Waterslide O' Fun. I figured that here would be a good enough place to ask for one."

"Depends on how much you're willing to pay."

"Mozyr?" That name sounded familiar. Wait, that's right! Kirrock's pictures! Thankfully I'd snagged them out of his GM Bible before he left since I had a feeling I'd need them for something. "I do have these." I handed the pictures over to her.

Another scantily-clad cat-woman traipsed out from one of the dressing rooms, sneakily hiding the Marines boxers behind her back. "Oh, nice pictures! Who's the droid? Oh, and who's that green-haired one? One too many Jedi Mind Tricks will make you think you're that flexible. Then you wake up the next morning and realize--" she stopped in mid-sentence. I was kind of relieved that she left that thought where she did. Something tells me I didn't want to know the rest of it. "Where did you find these pictures, anyways?"

"Some guy named Kirrock had them hidden away in a--" I started.

"THAT TWO-FACED SON OF A BANTHA! He told me he'd gotten rid of these ages ago!" Mozyr flipped through the pictures. "If I promise to give you a free one hour guest pass to the Deadly Waterslide O' Fun, will you swear to me that you won't leak these pictures to the press? We're an honest business here, just trying to get by."

"Even if I knew where to go to leak them, no. I think those are the only copies Kirrock had..."

"Kirrock always keeps copies. He's a clone. That's what clones do. They make copies of everything including themselves." Mozyr turned to her co-worker. "Jenny, go get her a guest pass to keep her quiet." She ogled me up and down for a moment. "And throw in a free bikini. I think we have a nice corset breastplate that would really look great on you."

And so, an hour later not only had I procured myself a guest pass to the Deadly Waterslide O' Fun, but I also got a free bikini out of it that makes me look like Attila the Hun, complete with breastplate and matching cuisses.

The Marine is still missing his boxers.

(On an OOC note: Thanks so much to my friend Scott for the pictures. You can check out the rest of his Super Temps! characters like Jenny here.)

12 comments:

Mr. Bennet said...

Naughty, naughty.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Bonus points for hot cat women in bathing suits. I'm feeling an odd attraction to them for some reason. No doubt that I'd probably feel more attracted if it wasn't for this allergy to cats.

Erifia Apoc said...

Uhm... Excuse me, what MTG card?

Great post Svetlana. I like the use of furries. And... Of course, humilating men. That's always fun.

Professor Xavier said...

Very nicely played, Svetlana. Ditto on the kudoes for bikini clad cat woman.

Dark Jedi Kriss said...

Humilating men...

Yeah this was good.

Nathan Petrelli said...

Watching you eat that twinkie was the highlight of my day.

Svetlana Smith said...

Buy me more Twinkies, Mr. Petrelli, sir! I think one of those cat ladies had some incriminating pictures of you. Might want to, er, negotiate about it.

~ Lana

Nathan Petrelli said...

Svet. I've got the twinkies if you've got the time.

Incriminating photos...Well, that isn't good. Especially this close to the election...

Svetlana Smith said...

I've always got time for Twinkies.

Twinkies and cockroaches are the only things that will survive nuclear disasters.

I'm sure people would pay big money to see this picture I have of you in a Chuck E Cheese costume (of course we can't see your face, but I KNOW IT'S YOU.)

~ Lana

Simon said...

Looking at the bikini Catgirl I just can't think of something smarmy to say.

Svetlana Smith said...

They're very distracting, aren't they?

Not quite as distracting as Nathan wearing nothing but flowers.

I need to go take another cold shower. Ohhh, Nathan with daisies...

~ Lana

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